The past few days I have felt so strange. Hard to identify strange. Yesterday was the worst. First I was irritated at life. Yesterday was wonderful, and I should have spent the entire day happy. And while I was happy while I was distracted, once I stopped I just felt odd. Everything and everyone made me feel tense, angry, and frustrated. I recognize that the only thing responsible for this ridiculous mood swing was myself.
And now today I got myself angry enough at my own anger that I had a twenty minute nosebleed (nearly broke the record I set in third grade), which scared me more than a little. And now I have that same feeling I've had in between these times -- vague, unsettled restlessness. I'm trying to focus on what is causing me to feel this way, other than my own naturally fluxuating moodiness. And I don't know what it is.
Maybe it's because of all the trip opportunities I've had presented to me lately. Digging with ABR in Jordan over Christmas break, and a music and English tour with Morningside in Ireland next May. Both, however, cost money that I really don't have. Technically I could get it together next summer, but is that right? Should I be spending money on these trips instead of paying towards student loans and relieving my parent's financial help?
I don't know. As was talked about in sunday school today, wisdom is from our heavenly Father. I lack it. I crave it.
Debere cogito?
No comments:
Post a Comment